What I would say…

When a politician or other person in a position of power or influence starts their  response to a question with the phrase “What I would say…” or "I would say this to you..." I expect I am about to be lied to. I assume they are about to say something they do not believe or know to be inaccurate. 

Otherwise, why do they use the conditional ‘would’? Why do they not just say whatever they are about to say? Some say it is a longer version of ‘errr.’ and only there to give thinking time. But they do not tend to use this phrase when making statements which are unchallenged, it only tends to come out in response to a difficult question.

I suspect it actually means “What I would say if I really believed it is… [whatever they end up saying] but I don’t really believe a word of it and am only saying it as it is the best way of getting what I want regardless of the need for truth or honesty.” 

But I'm a bit of a cynic and would say that, wouldn’t I…

Brexit Ying Yang

I am a Remainer. I campaign on the street for a People's Vote. I donate to the cause. I write to my MP. I march.

Bottom left: The back of my head last weekend.

I am happy to call the People's Vote a second referendum. While recognising that Leave may win a People's Vote, I hope and believe that Remain will come out on top now that we know more about the effect leaving will have. I think many leavers believe that too which is why they are so vehemently against it.

Leavers worry me. Not all leavers, some are moderate, but I suspect I seldom hear from moderates. The leavers I hear from most often are more committed. From my perspective, out on the street and from what I see online, they have a level of aggression that makes me very uncomfortable - even, on occasion fearing for my wellbeing. I am concerned that too many see physical retaliation as a valid part of the process.

No noose is good noose

This is what I see as the difference between Leavers and Remainers. I have never met a truly aggressive Remainer. Sure we shout and jeer, we take the piss out of Leavers and cry 'Bollocks to Brexit', but it is directed at Parliament, politicians and high profile Brexiteers, I have never seen it directed at ordinary Leavers.

I am sure the reason for this Ying-Yang divide is that Leavers and Remainers are driven by opposing forces.  Leavers appear driven by their dislike of the EU. They talk in terms of distrust of Brussels, unelected bureaucrats, and position poor foreigners looking for work in the UK as a threat. Their motivation is driven by dislike, their fuel is negative.

The Remainers I have met are driven by a liking of the benefits of membership, we like the idea of feeling of being Europeans, and generally have a humanitarian outlook. Our fuel is positive.

I fear for our country if the Leave mentality becomes the norm. Regardless of the outcome, we must strive to remain a civilised country where hate and prejudice are not tolerated, a country and people driven by the positive, not the negative.

If Brexit is overturned Remainers must be gracious victors. I wish I had some indication of the same aspiration coming from the Leavers - I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received...

In Other Words

We are in the last days leading up to the Brexit deadline.

Once again I am listening to BBC Radio 4's Today programme. John Humphrys is interviewing  Michael Heseltine.

John counts his fingers

Heseltine is presenting a very sophisticated and nuanced description of the desperate state of UK politics, the possible outcomes of the Brexit process and some options to avoid what he sees as the approaching disaster for British business and the population generally. I find myself nodding and muttering 'Yes..."

Michael looks for his glasses

Towards the end of this eloquent discourse Humphrys say "In other words [Theresa] May must go..."

This is not what Heseltine was saying, it may be the case, but it was not the point.

This is a common tactic with Humphrys along with his constant interruptions, sometimes justified but increasingly just unconstructive and doing nothing for his audience.

When will John Humphrys stop trying to sum up complex situations with simplistic statements? It is just fishing for headlines and soundbites which only serves to feed the shallowness of tabloid broadcasting.

The answer, as far as the Today programme is concerned, is when he leaves later this year.

Meanwhile, John, just stop it!

BBC-Word (and it isn't Corporation)

In 2004 I noticed something of a typographical glitch on the BBC Home page. 

Before

When I checked four years later they it had changed.

After a little judicious kerning*

This page on the perfectly good Listen Again  is now history. It was replaced with the rather annoying BBC iPlayer (for radio) which is not the same as the BBC iPlayer (for television).

Now they have launched BBC Sounds, a platform for podcasts as I understand it. We are told it is the future of audio on the Internet. Not sure about this, but I fear we will be deluged with it and one day we will understand that the word  'sounds' means BBC podcasts and no longer means  'things that we hear'. I wonder what will they call the equivalent for television? Sights? 

Sigh...

* Kerning refers to the adjustment between space between a pair of letters. My dictionary says the past tense is Kerned and may be pronounced Kernt... a slight mispronunciation and there, we are back at the beginning.

Writer's Block

My sister, Miranda, came to lunch recently and brought me this:

King Alfred School bookplate block

It is a printing block engraved by our father, Cecil Watts Paul-Jones, ‘Paul’, in the 1960s or 70s for our mother, Nikki, who was head teacher at King Alfred’s School, Hampstead, London NW11.

The block was used to make labels to go inside books which had been presented to the school’s Junior Library. The image would be mainly the colour of the ink - probably black but maybe green which was the colour often used by the school. It would have a white crest and lettering and a white space at the bottom to write the name of the person donating the book. KAS was a progressive, private school. Due to a combination of fees, a liberal outlook and it's location the school had an significant number of ‘celebrity’ parents and ’celebrity-to-be’ pupils. So it is probable that some of these books have very valuable labels in them. Or rather, had very valuable labels in them, as I suspect the best will have been harvested and put in autograph collections or on eBay*. Cynical? Me? Heaven forfend...

The block is boxwood obtained from an engraving supplies dealer in central London. Paul took me to the shop in the 1960s and I think about that visit occasionally. I thought it may have been in Covent Garden or thereabouts, maybe Neal’s Yard. My memory is certainly of a dark and dingy corner of London and as I remember we had to climb to the first or second floor on an external stairway. It had the grim feel of Fagin’s loft and the place was staffed by old men in brown storemans’ coats. The colour scheme was old wood with the occasional bit of dull green thrown in to add some gaiety. Of course I may have made up some of the detail, but it is the image I have in my mind and gives as good a feeling of this esoteric establishment as any.

Fagin's Loft

In a moment of blind optimism I Googled ‘wood block engraving suppliers london’ and found Lawrence’s in Lewes and Hove, formerly of Bleeding Heart Yard, Farringdon, London EC1. I called the Lewes shop and spoke to Adam Lawrence who knew the ‘old place’. I asked if my memories of old dark wood, green paint, external stairways, old men and a Dickensian atmosphere were indeed those of Lawrences. He said “”Yes, that’s it, you were probably served by Stanley.” 

It seems Stanley was something of a singular character. I do not remember exactly what he said, after all it was nearly sixty years ago, but these were the days when small boys were called ’Sonny Jim’ in a patronising manner which would have put me firmly in my place. It was not meant to be aggressive or mean, but betrayed the attitude that children were little more than an irrelevant nuisance.  

Stanleys grandson, Simon Lawrence wrote a book, Tales from Bleeding Heart Yard as a commemoration of Stanley’s 80th birthday. 

Stanley Lawrence

It includes some quotes which tend to support my impression that he was not big on the niceties of customer service and explains why my memories of the visit have a foreboding quality:

"the uncertainties of dealing with him made for him a name recognised 

far and wide for probably the wrong reasons."

(Stanley said) "What do you want?", 

I said "I'd like to buy some blocks". 

He said, "I don't sell to new people". 

My other lasting memory is that Paul bought what seemed like an extremely small amount of wood for an extortionate amount of money.  But it would appear that this was a seller’s market, witnessed by Stanley’s handwritten notice which the book says was displayed next to the bookshelves:

"CUSTOMERS WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICES 

MUST FIND AN ALTERNATIVE SOURCE OF SUPPLY"

I notice that Stanley is not wearing a storeman’s brown coat in the engraving - maybe he discarded it for the occasion…  another engraving shows the steps up to the shop. It is sort of as I remembered, in that they were external and wooden, but there are only three and the shop is on the ground floor. Seems I have been channeling Fagin’s loft all along...

Paul showed me how to hold the engraving tool so that the right amount of pressure could be used for the cut, while keeping it in control and avoiding ruining either the uncut block or those parts already engraved. 

How to hold an engraving tool

It felt very unintuitive and ‘wrong’ to me as a ten year old - strangely similar to the discomfort I felt in the shop. I wanted to push the point using the ball of my thumb, but, as usual in these things, Paul was right and this grip is the best way of making delicate engravings. 

Paul’s remaining boxwood blocks, engraving tools, ink dabber and roller have been taken over by my nephew, Magnus, who has the skill and patience to use them properly.

Work By The Hands Stands The Test Of Time
whittled and engraved boxwood, approx 1" x 1" x 2"
Magnus Scholefiled 

And so the circle turns...

*A half-hearted look on eBay turned up nothing at time of writing.